I have been battling this . . . . .
ALL of my life.
I am now 44 years old and from the time I was in my pre-teens, I can remember my mother taking me with her to her Weight Watchers meetings, aerobic classes, OR the gym to encourage me to loose weight. I know my mom did the very best she could and was fighting the battle herself and was fearful that I would have the same weight struggles as she did (news flash I had the same and WORSE). Yet even though I have tried COUNTLESS times to loose weight and exercise over the years I have only been able to loose 15-20 pounds at a time only to put it back on. Sadly my weight has climbed to a dangerous height that is affecting my health and if I am honest the personal joy in my life.
Please don't get me wrong, I love my life with my family and would not trade for a moment the moments I share with my husband and 3 little miracles, but my weight keeps me from truly being happy with myself and physically being a participant in my children's lives.
My doctor has been encouraging me for a few years to consider Bariatric Surgery because of the yo-yo issue I have my weight and the fact that it has only kept climbing each time I gained back the weight. I have fought the consideration of weight loss surgery because for me it was the ultimate fail on my part, it truly showed that I could not accomplish the weight loss I had always wanted to achieve on my own. In addition, I know from my own research and talking to individuals who have had the surgery, that the surgery is just a tool in the process of weight loss, you still have to change the poor habits that made you over weight in the first place and in most cases this means finding out the reason WHY you ate yourself to an unhealthy weight.
I don't want to dive deep, I don't want to change the things in my life that make me comfortable and happy BUT I want to be happy and healthy. I am afraid that diving deep will cause me to see things in my life OR within my family that will only stir up more issues instead of solving problems and MY emotional drive toward the plate of food. I fully own the fact that I am the one who made choices over the years that kept me physically inactive or bending my elbow too much to take another bite, but WHY did I choose food as my comfort during stressful times, boredom, sadness, anger?
I am excited at the physical change that Gastric Bypass surgery will bring to my life, but I am also nervous about it because it means so much change and in a very short time span. This surgery is a tool that will hopefully, prayerfully, get me to a place of being a healthier me not only for me but for my children. I guess my 3 little Miracles are the reason WHY I am willing to take such a drastic step as surgery. I have literally been overweight 75% + of my life and I don't want my today of trying to loose weight to become my yesterday of failing again and again and again, because this life is slipping by so quickly and my children are so impressionable. I need to change NOW and help them be healthy individuals.
Since starting this journey to GBS back in August 2012 I have lost on my own 15 Pounds when I started with my weight at 254.4 (my highest weight was 261.4 in August 2011). To prepare for the surgery I had to attend a 3 hour education class about Bariatric Surgery, take a 2 1/2 hour psychological test followed by an appointment with a Psychiatrist to determine if I was mentally healthy enough to withstand the process of going through the stress of surgery/recovery/life change, and have a series of physical tests to be sure I was healthy enough for surgery. In addition, I have attend a support group and see a nutritionist prior to and for a LONG time after surgery. Finally, I had to go on a pre-surgery diet to help shrink the size of my liver, so this process isn't easy and by no means a QUICK fix. It is a true physical and mental hurdle that has been very difficult for me to get over and have peace with, but I feel God giving me His comfort in knowing this is MY PROCESS and Journey to a NEW me and being a happier and healthier mom for my 3 little Miracles.
So next Monday, February 4th I am having Gastric Bypass surgery and if successful I am projected to loose 100+ pounds. I will keep you posted on my journey, please pray for me.
Journey to a NEW me part 2