3 little Miracles

3 little Miracles

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Couldn't say it better

I have been following Enjoying the Small Things for about a year now.  I really can't remember what lead me to Kelle's blog, but I remember the very first post I read and how it brought me to tears.  I also remember thinking I don't want to read another word because I felt like God was trying to tell me something but I had no clue what except that I didn't want to hear it.   The post was about her daughter Nella's birth story, posted on January 29th, 2010.  So many things stood out to me about that post, the picture of Kelle while everyone toasted the birth of her daughter and these words, "I just kept envisioning this other baby...the one that I felt died the moment I realized it wasn't what I expected."  

As you know we found out we were pregnant in March, and the flash of words and images from Kelle's post kept coming back to me and I kept trying to sweep it away and ignore it.  As I got further into my pregnancy with Rachel and I began to undergo deeper ultrasounds to determine the health of the baby, I stopped visiting Kelle's blog for a while because I felt like I was placing fears into my heart each time I saw images of her beautiful Nella, fears that weren't true and were causing me undo worry.  Looking back now I feel like God was trying to prepare me for Rachel's birth.  Rachel's birth story was very different from Nella's in the sense that Rachel had some major health issues that brought us to three weeks in the NICU and three weeks apart as a family.  Kelle and Nella were able to go home and be with family.  Kelle was able to have her family around her as she and her husband adjusted to the unexpected and began to deal with all the feelings that came with a child with Downs Syndrome.  Unlike Kelle I didn't want to tell everyone of Rachel's diagnoses, family yes, but past that I needed time, David needed time, we needed to deal with Rachel's present health and not her future.

I have tried many times to sit down and write about my feelings during those three weeks, I did write about Rachel's birthday, but I have not been able to sit down and transcribe the notes I made while sitting beside Rachel's issolet in the NICU because they bring back such raw feelings of pain that I am not sure I am ready to revisit.  All I know is that now today, I have a beautiful girl with so much promise, when I look into Rachel's face I don't see a diagnoses, I see bright blue eyes, beautiful bow shaped lips, round full cheeks, and a sweet button nose.  I see the face of my sweet little girl that I don't want to stop holding . . . . . I don't see Down Syndrome.  I see a girl who has a bright future ahead of her with all the promises that God gave you and I .  . . . . . I don't see a stereo type.  I see MY GIRL.

So when Kelle posted the following video on her blog on January 14th, I had discovered she once again encapsulated my feelings so well and I had to share it with you.  Please watch and if your moved and want to make a difference, please donate HERE.

1 comment:

  1. This is beautiful Laura. I see nothing but great things happening for Rachel in the future. I believe that God placed her in your care to do amazing things for Down's Syndrome. I love you all with my whole heart. I just wish you would hurry up and pack your stuff up so we can get you moved to Arkansas.